Losses

 

Elephant costume jewelry
Elephant costume jewelry

Have you ever had a loss?  Losses come in many shapes and sizes, also

Grandmother's wedding ring
Grandma’s wedding ring

emotional and unemotional.  Take for example the loss of a piece of costume jewelry, it is not something that has any great intrinsic value and probably little emotional value. But if it were your grandmothers wedding ring and it were lost or stolen then the value increases greatly both intrinsically and emotionally.  Everything has its own worth, large or small.

 

2008-08-24 12.20.07
Scamp

Almost three years ago, Scamp my miniature Schnauzer, died after a

IMG_E0392
Chloe

severe stroke, and last year we lost Chloe, another schnauzer, to cancer.  We had Scamp for almost 13 years and Chloe for only one.  We were devastated over the loss of both dogs even though we only had Chloe a year, she had become part of the family and burrowed herself deep into our hearts.

'57 Chevy
’57 Chevrolet

Cars are sometimes as big a loss just like the loss of a pet.  According to one insurance company ad on TV we are so close to our cars that we name them and if we have an accident and it is totaled, we are depressed beyond measure, then when the insurance company pays for a car that is newer you break out into your happy dance.  Really, you must kidding.  I have had cars I really liked but never to the point that it was a love affair.

Some people are that way about their houses or the possessions in them.  When we sold our house 11.5 years ago there were some nostalgic feels I had when we left, it is only normal, it is not like losing a pet or a loved one.  Within just a few months we were settled into our new home and had pretty much forgotten about the old house.  but if that loss is the result of a fire or a violent storm would that change how I woud feel? More than likely I would be devastated, the loss of everything that Kathy and I have worked for over these many years and the memories they represent.

But these losses are trivial compared to the loss of someone you love. The physical death of someone is devastating at the monent and the feeling of hurt will last a short time and turn into a mild ache coupled with the memories that will last a lifetime.  What about the loss of a loved one, not by death or divorce, but by an illness.  It is a toughter loss than can be imagined.

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Enjoying a trip to Crater Lake.

My wife, Kathy, has Parkinson’s disease, it is hard to feel the loss when she is right here.  Her walking has slowed, balance is an issue we can overcome with a walker.  Sometines cognitive issues have come up and has caused friction between us, it is not like losing someone to dementia or Alzheimer Disease.  We get irritated with each other, but that is because we are around each other a lot more now that we have entered in that part of life call retirement.  Because of the changes that my wife has gone througth I now do more things around the house, such as grocery shopping, doing laundry, making beds, doing the dishes after meals.  And then there are the doctor’s appointments and since she no longer drives I take her to all of her appointments.  Someone told me not long ago, they having recently lost their loved one, that it was like losing your loved one twice, once to the disease and again when the loved one passes on their rewards.

I had hoped that the two of us would be able to do some traveling and visit places that

New Year Celebration Anywhere
Illumination by fireworks

we had never seen or do again things that we had done in the past, but that is not going to happen.  If I want to see or do something, I have to plan it for the times that I take for respite care.  This does not mean that my wife and I can not go places and take some time to enjoy ourselves, it is just not very often. For example, this July we are going to the Oregon Gardens in Silverton to see the 4th of July celebration. Can you imagine seeing the Gardens lit by the exploding rockets?  It should be spectactular.

Ainsworth UCCLosses like these are what you make of them.  They can be devastating and overwhelming or with a lot of love and support it can be rewarding.  Support comes in many varities, your church (if you have one) can be a great resource, disease related support groups, your city/county may have programs to help with care while you are taking respite time, organizations that you belong to (Masons, Elks, Eagles) might also be able to help.  While on respite ensure that your loved one has plenty of stimulation, lonelyness can turn into depression which can lead into much tougher issues.  Some places, like here in Oregon, have organizations that support particualar diseases or illnesses, ours is Parkinson’s Resources of Oregon

Masonic Square and Compass
The Masons
BPOE_logo
Elks Lodge

And for goodness sake take care of yourself, be involved with activities that will help you relieve the pressures that build up.  If necessary get yourself a therapist, this a great way of blowing off steam without judgment.  Many therapist have tools to help you cope with loved ones suffering from diseases or illnesses that may or may not linger on for years.

 

“Happy Thanksgiving 2013”

How many times have you heard that over your lifetime?  Hundreds?  Thousands?  Many of us are of an age that we have stopped counting, if we ever did.  It has a nice ring to it, a comfortable sound that is easy on the ear and rolls off the tongue quite naturally.

Two years ago started a period where I did not know where my thankfulness would again come from.  That year my wife, Kathy, and I spent a very happy day together celebrating the holiday.  I can not remember if we spent it alone or with friends, but either way it was a day of rest and relaxation.  It is normally my custom, over the weekend, to hang the lights around our patio, for some reason it did not happen that year.  A week later I would be in the emergency room with a Cyclingbroken hip.  I found that bicycles and ice do not play well together.

After recuperating, returning to work, going through a mild depression, I thought I was back and ready to go.  I was back on my bike, but not enjoying it very much.  Even though the depression had mostly lifted it was still hanging around the edges.  When fall arrived and along with the rains I stopped riding, fearing another fall if I went around a corner and found a pile of slick leaves.

Thanksgiving was back again and it was not the happiness of years ago.  I enjoyed myself, but the self-doubt was still lingering at the back of my mind.  I feared that something was going on and I did not know what it was or how to deal with the feelings.

Shortly before Christmas I was diagnosed with a benign brain tumor and my primary doctor wrote a prescription, unbeknownst to any one, caused a severe reaction that resulted in my losing my job.  Being of an age where finding work became much more difficult, my wife and I decided that the best move was to take an early retirement.

Due to all that had transpired over the last couple months I found a new doctor who is a specialist in the field.  She changed my medication, and optimism started to return.  In the spring I was back on the bike, I was taking longer and Poison Oaklonger rides and at one point found a patch of Poison Oak to fall into.  Getting a dose of Poison Oak is, even in the best of conditions, not enjoyable – what with the itching and redness and being down right uncomfortable – no in my case I am allergic to the darn stuff.

As the summer continued on the pain in my hip was increasing.  The heads of the pins, that had been placed to align the fracture, had backed out from the surface of the bone and was irritating the soft tissue of my hip.  It was time for them to come out.

All during this time Kathy was having a problem that resulted in her being hospitalized.  This only created more stress and tension between us.  It seemed that we were constantly at each others throat.  As her new medication started to make things worse, she and her doctor realized that going back to the old medications was the only answer.

Now was not the best time for me to go into the hospital to remove the pins, but the procedure had been scheduled, and the pain was getting worse.  The day after the surgery I noticed that even though I had pain from the surgery, the pain from the pins was now a thing of the past.

 The other day I again saw my doctor about the tumor, the results of the MRI and blood tests were positive.  The tumor has shrunk to a quarter of the size from a year ago, and the hormone levels are starting to return to normal.  Over the course of the next year there will be more blood tests and at the end of the year another MRI to see how the tumor is reacting.

roast turkey Today Lara, our daughter, joined Kathy and I at one of our favorite restaurants for Thanksgiving dinner.  We had an enjoyable time together.  The laughter and conversation helped make this a very Happy Thanksgiving.

 Looking over the past two years I find that I have much in which to be Thankful.  With the love of my family, especially Kathy, and friends, I will find many more days and years of blessings to fill my basket with reasons to give Thanks.